17 January 2011

Only in Fairytales and Music Videos...

First of all, this is why Common is my favorite hip hop artist of all time. He looks as music as an art, not a way to be a thug or a womanizer. One of my favorite songs by this wonderful person is this song Come Close. I have always dreamed of having someone express what I mean to them in a way so beautiful and poetic. Because of recent events, I am slowly getting back in touch with repressed feelings that I completely forgot that I pushed away...one of those feelings is love.
Not just love for a man...I mean that true love for everything, for God, for life, for my friends and family.
I mean today I had to say goodbye to my cat Echo (my friend is taking care of her while I am deployed) and I started to cry, which startled me because I mean, it's just a freakin' cat!
But I love her, she is more than just a pet, she has been my comfort, fulfilling my desire to be needed, and I know that she loves me too. I have never left her for so long and now I understand when people say that pets are like children, I miss her so much already.
So yeah, what does the cat have to do with a love song?

Nothing. I just miss Echo. Moving on.
Tonight is the night for "the deployment/relationship" talk with my guy and I. I know how I feel, but he's the one that will have to be back here without me.
I have never been in this situation--either I went out there single purposely to not have to deal with stuff like this, and last time I had a boyfriend that deployed with me...and uh, yeah that worked out not in my favor at all.
So I'm scared, nervous...hoping for the best (unexpected) and already prepared for the worst.
But I will take into account what my momma says about situations like this:
"God places people in your life for a Season...they were not meant to be in your life forever, just a short time to guide you where you need to be. So don't be upset if you have to say goodbye. If they helped you make your life better then thank them then thank God."
So if this is the case....winter will forever be my most hated season ever...but I will still thank God for the time I had with him.

15 January 2011

As opium prices soar and allies focus on Taliban, Afghan drug war stumbles

Washington Post Foreign Service
Friday, January 14, 2011; 12:00 AM

KABUL - After several years of steady progress in curbing opium poppy cultivation and cracking down on drug smugglers, Afghan officials say the anti-drug campaign is flagging as opium prices soar, farmers are lured back to the lucrative crop and Afghanistan's Western allies focus more narrowly on defeating the Taliban.
That combination adds a potentially destabilizing factor to Afghanistan at a time when the United States is desperate to show progress in a war now into its 10th year. The country's Taliban insurgency and the drug trade flourish in the same lawless terrain, and are often mutually reinforcing. But Afghan officials say the opium problem is not receiving the focus it deserves from Western powers.

To read more,  Carry on.

12 January 2011

I'm tapping out...

I give up.

I'm sick of fighting about my current situation.

Tonight I have been going through my things so they will be ready for the move next month since I will be leaving for NC next week for some training exercise, and I have been so reluctant to do so. This is the first deployment that I have a very uneasy feeling about.

Without going too much into what my job is...what I will say is that the role I will be playing in is more like a secretary (or in USMC terms a "Scribe") and that is a major demotion from what I have been in the past. No, I didn't do anything wrong, well I trusted that senior Marines wouldn't lie and set me up to go to a place where I will not get to do Combat Camera, which I love.

But that story is for another time.
The focus of this entry is to come to terms with everything because I have allowed myself to lose focus of everything that I have been working so hard for the past year. So here it is:

1. I'm going to Afghanistan as the only enlisted in a team of 3 officers (I'm not going to even start with that issue)...
2. It may very well be a year cause no one still can give me an answer (my last deployment was a year, but at least I was a leader and I loved my job and my team)
3. I'm losing my house and if I do not get promoted, I will end up in a tiny apartment or have to get a roommate (I HATE roommates)
4. I got to let my guy go because there's no way I can expect him to wait for me, especially if it is a year deployment.

So for those who have been wondering why I have been so upset, so negative, so dismal about everything--it fucking sucks to have so much on your shoulders and have pretty much no support, to get everything thrown onto you at once and you don't have anyone to turn to--well professionally at least. The one person that has helped me maintain sanity, someone that has made me smile when all I wanted to do was cry...I got to let go.
But hey, this is the life I choose. Suck it up or get out right?
I can't be happy right now, but I have to at least stay frosty.

10 January 2011

Hair during 6 month stretch from relaxers

Well, after taking forever to do my hair, here is the result:

My hair length is right at APL (Arm Pit Length) but I know it could have been longer, because I haven't been strict on wrapping and moisturizing my hair like I should be doing everyday. My hair was kind of tangled too, which is totally my fault. I gotta keep up this regimen because I've seen great results but it's been difficult with so much that has been going on.

But hey, this is a luxury to me, that I am focusing on my beauty and taking care of myself, especially when I feel like no one else is trying to right now...well maybe.

09 January 2011

Afghan women speak out on abuse from behind mask

"I had so many dreams for my life, but when I saw him, they just disappeared." Saraya spoke softly, her hunched-over body and nervously twisting hands testimony to all she says she has had to endure.
"I told my father I didn't want to marry him: 'why are you doing this to me?'" She continued: "My father said 'you are of an age to be married and this is my decision, not yours.'"
Saraya says it only took three days for her to realize she had been married off to a madman.
Emotions and turmoil she never dared publicly speak of tumble out freely -- concealed, along with her face, behind a mask.
Half the mask is pale blue, the color of the "chaudari" or burka, symbolizing the oppression of women; the other half white, representing innocence.
This is Afghanistan's new revolutionary TV show called "Niqab," meaning "The Mask."


Hair Products for Deployment: ApHogee Keratin 2 Minute Reconstructor

Well today I need to give my hair a good wash and condition...and I was thinking about what products am I going to bring with me to Afghanistan that will keep my hair in good condition. I intend on sharing on this blog the challenges of keeping all of my hair from falling out while on deployment. I will not lie, I lost so much of my hair on my first deployment because I have never taken care of my own hair myself--I always had a hairstylist. On the second and third one I cut my hair really short and kept it conditioned and was still self relaxing every 8-10 weeks. Well since I am leaving this time with much longer and thicker hair I will admit that I'm a little nervous.
One product I know I will bring with me is the ApHogee Keratin 2 Minute Reconstructor--I learned about this stuff from a YouTube video review last year and I love it. It stopped my hair from breaking off and it is definitely stronger and easier to manage, especially with the new growth during my stretch.
I am thinking of trying all the other ApHogee products, so if I like them then I can just buy in bulk all the same products, which will be easier to ship while out there.

Life Lessons #1

"An ass whooping builds character."

How many times I've done this??

Gang Affiliated?

I have always been interested in blogs, I have a few favorites that I love reading on various subjects, and I admire the following that they receive. This has happened quite a few times in my life when I think "Hey, I should start up my own blog! I have a pretty interesting life."
So I start up a blog on one of these free sites, wasting hours of my life trying to find a good looking template because I can't stand looking like all the other ones. Then I finally fix it to my specifications and then I start this bad ass intro into my life.
I probably post 5-10 more times then I eventually give it up. I have excuses why I did but those are individual stories in themselves.
So why am I doing this again? Because I really don't want to but I know that I'm at a time in my life where I am going to want to account for what I'm going through, what I have done, and how did I get past all the obstacles...and in the end was it all worth it.
So yeah, will there be times that I have a maniacal rant? Yes.
Will I post up articles that I find interesting and comment on them? Yes.
Will you do all that other blogging crap that you're supposed to do and stay committed? Yes.
But hopefully I can accomplish a few personal things while I do this as well.
So, yeah.