22 May 2011

Talk about upset...

So after 8 here I can use Blogger on my work computer...FML....well I guess I'll be able to catch everyone up with what's going on with me, lol.

I have done a little blogging on Sparkpeople.com about my workout regimen, but I haven't really written down about anything else that has happened.

To me a little more thorough with my earlier update, the bottom line is that I'm not upset anymore about this situation. I have done a lot of soul searching and I realized that this is where I need to be at this moment in my life.

Now why in the hell would I want to be in Afghanistan you ask? Especially when I'm not doing the job I love and I don't go out the wire and I'm confined to an office all freakin' day?

Well it's here that I was able to turn away from my most difficult vices: eating nasty foods and smoking. During my times of extreme boredom I rediscovered my passion for a lot of things that I used to do and what I always wanted to try but I put it all on the backburner for the "sake of my career." I don't think I have ever pushed myself so physically ever except when I was in boot camp. I am under my max weight and although I am not near my goal of 120 pounds yet, I am loving how my body is changing and I feel freakin' young again. I'm also working on revamping myself, I need to be more optimistic and I just need that oomph to get me going again in life, I have some amazing goals that I intend on accomplishing...so amazing I will dedicate a post to each.

But what about your guy?

I knew that he more than likely wouldn't be able to deal with me being deployed, and honestly I expected too much out of him...not to sound mean but you have to be a strong civilian to deal with a spouse/significant other being on deployment...I think he would of had a better chance if he was in love with me...but he isn't.
And I wasn't in love either...so even though I hope and pray that we can overcome this and keep our relationship going when I get back...at this moment--I have better things to focus on.

Also I have some WONDERFUL friends and family that have done AMAZING things to support me thoughout this deployment so far...of course my mother and my cousin Monique as always, but I will say that my friend Eddie has gone above and beyond to make sure I'm comfortable, from sending me chicken and tuna so I can have healthy proteins, to sending me a freakin' kettlebell that I can use while I'm at work! I thank God everyday for having a friend like him.

So yeah, my outlook has changed drastically and I know I can get through this deployment, no matter how long it is...
But it will be the last one.

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